Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
How to Practice Radical Honesty
Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. -Thomas Jefferson
You probably tell dozens of little lies and half-truths every day. And you probably spend a significant chunk of your time evaluating what's going on in other people's minds, because they're probably not being completely honest with you. What would happen if you stopped lying? Ditched the brown-nosing and diplomacy? Stopped walking on eggshells? Are you ready to find out?
The "radical honesty" movement was founded by a psychotherapist named Brad Blanton, who insists that everyone would be much happier if we were all completely honest, as in no lies--no matter how small and white they may be. It’s a pledge to see and verbally acknowledge things exactly as they are, to the best of your ability. If you have a habit of stopping short of saying what you really think, turning things around will take time, but the results can be shockingly refreshing.
1. Observe yourself lying. Most people lie throughout the day, every day. For example, 60% of people tell an average of two to three lies in a 10-minute conversation![1] So if you try to catch yourself lying, you may be surprised with how often you do it. It can also be enlightening to think about how often the people around you lie (see How to Detect Lies). And remember, the purpose of this step is to observe. Don't judge, or justify, like "Oh, well, I have to lie, or else blah, blah, blah." Rationalization is a product of denial, and denial is a deep form of dishonesty.
When people ask you how you're doing, do you respond honestly?
Do you feign interest in something that you're not really interested in?
Do you find yourself lying in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings?
Do you bite your tongue? Are you lying by omission?
2. Think deeply about whether you're really doing anyone a favor by lying. Should you really shelter someone from reality? Are you giving the recipient of your white lie enough credit? Do you assume they're too weak to handle the truth?
In a way, it's manipulative and patronizing to pretend to be interested in what someone is saying, when you're really not. That's what we often do with kids, because we consider them too immature and inexperienced to understand that not everyone is interested in what they are interested in. If you treat the people around you the same way you treat children, then you might just find that the people around you act like children.
Is lying ever really the best way to express compassion? Or is it the easiest way for you to avoid confrontation, rejection, or discomfort? If you're going to lie, then perhaps you can be honest with yourself about why you're lying--don't tell yourself it's for that person's own good, or that you're being kind, when it's really because you don't have the courage to be completely honest yet.[2]
3. Confess. Once you see how often you lie, try fessing up once in a while. It's usually easier to be honest after the act than during, so this is a good stepping stone. You can start off with lies from the months or years ago (it's easier for people to forgive those, and see them as water under the bridge) and then start confessing about lies that you told days, hours, or even seconds ago. ("Um--actually, just now when I told you I'd be happy eating sushi, I lied. I really don't want sushi, I just wanted to seem cool. Can we get burgers instead?")
Some confessions are best served with an apology. See How to Apologize.
Admit when you've forgotten someone's name, even if you're supposed to know that person's name because you've known them for years and seen them regularly and you know their kids' names, and even their dog's name.
Tell someone when you're starting to get bored with the conversation. "I stopped listening about a minute ago" or "I'm not really interested in talking about this" or simply, "I'm bored. I'll be back in ten minutes."
Express frustration with you co-workers, and even your boss. "I'm annoyed that you didn't respond to our memo earlier. But at the same time, I'm relieved, because then if we don't nail one of the things you want, we can blame any delays on your lack of response."[2]
Start sentences with the words "I resent you for..." or "I appreciate you for..."[2]
Read up on How to Practice Nonviolent Communication.
5. Inject the honesty with humor. This doesn't mean "sugar-coating" the truth by preceding and following it with a gentle reassurance (like How to Give a Feedback Sandwich or -gasp- How to Spin Bad News). This means that when you speak the truth, you express it in cheerful and lighthearted way, like you're giving them a gift, not cutting them with a knife. Take, for example, a waiter asking you how your coffee is (and it's bad):[2]
(Sheepishly, apologetically) "Uh, yeah. I always have to order espresso here, because the espresso tastes like regular coffee. The regular coffee here is terrible. Can't you guys make stronger coffee?"
"Yeah, man! This coffee tastes like $&!#!" Followed by a boisterous laugh.
Both statements are unabashedly true. But which one is more likely to be received well?
6. Take off the edge. Follow up your honesty with a reminder that you're not deliberately trying to break hearts, crush dreams, or hurt feelings. (Unless you are, in which case hopefully the person will read our article on How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship and leave you.)
Say what you were doing: "I'm just being honest" or "That's what popped into my mind."
Offer a return to the world of lies: "I want to be honest with you. If you want me stop being honest, I will. Do you want me to?" Or "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable; I just wanted to express what was on my mind. If you want me to stop, I will."
Change the subject. In the example of admitting boredom above, try: "Can we talk about something else?" or "Let's talk about something we have in common."
If possible, express your honesty in person. It allows you to fully experience the ramifications of being radically honest, and makes it harder for the receiving party to run away--which probably means they'll still be there when the shock subsides, and your interaction can recover and move forward.[2]
7. Brace yourself for return fire. When you are radically honest, some people will respond in like manner. Welcome it. This is a good opportunity to open new dialogue, and discover things about a person that you might have otherwise never known, because you were both too scared of hurting each other's feelings. When you tell your buddy that he really is fat, he might tell you that your beard makes you look like a homeless lumberjack. Respond gracefully!
"Thanks for telling me."
"That's fine."
"That's true!"
"Really?"
8. Know where to draw the line. How honest is too honest? In the honesty business, there’s a fine line between radical and reckless. Reckless honesty is the result of pushing the authenticity envelope so far that you shoot yourself in the foot. The border between radical and reckless must be patrolled by your intuition. Sometimes that line is obvious, but sometimes it’s not.
The founder of the radical honesty movement readily admits that he lies to the IRS, in golf, and in poker.[2]
Kids are radically honest, but they may not be receptive to it. Their parents may not be receptive to it either. So you might not want to tell a child that their dog didn't really go to a farm, or that Santa Claus doesn't exist, or how you really made that baby.
You're likely to experience a little adrenaline rush before and during acts of radical honesty. You're breaking taboos and taking big social risks.[2] It might be addictive.
Radical honesty can be a good way to pick up the opposite sex. Example: "I didn't really want any tea; I was just trying to figure out a way to delay you so I could talk to you for a while, because I want to go to bed with you."[2]
Address relationship problems in real time. Maintaining integrity in relationships means addressing problems that come up in real-time. Emotions are not chess pieces, and love is not a game of strategy.
Applying radical honesty in your work means creating things that are of value to you personally, and that hinges on solving problems. But you can't solve problems if you don't acknowledge problems; if you would rather deny them, ignore them, or avoid talking about them because you don't want to "rock the boat".
Radical self-honesty requires a matching dose of humility. Whatever score you give yourself in any category is almost surely inflated. If the currency by which we measure others is pounds, the currency by which we measure ourselves is yen.
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Money Can Make People Happy
Psychologists have discovered that people who spend their money on the right things such as going to the theatre, dining out or going on vacation, are more likely to be happier with their life than those who spend their money on material things.
The study, conducted by the researchers at San Francisco State University, has found that experiential purchases result in increased happiness and well-being because they satisfy a person's need for social connectedness and vitality - a sense of feeling more alive.
A lead researcher of the study, Professor Ryan Howell, a psychologist at San Francisco State University, involved 154 people with the ages between 19 and 50, many of whom were in full-time work, and asked them to write about either a materialistic object or life experience they had bought within the last three months. The participants were also asked to describe their feelings and environmental cues connected with the purchase.
When the experts assessed the participants' levels of happiness and satisfaction, they found that those who had spent their money on food, theater tickets or various trips, were feeling much happier than those who had purchased items like clothes or electronics.
In addition, most of the participants said that experiential purchases were more likely to be considered as money well-spent, to make them happy, and to make happy people around them. Surprisingly, as it turned out, experiences led to more happiness in others than materialistic purchases did. A sense of connectivity to others -- getting closer to friends and family - could be one of the reasons why experiences generate more happiness.
"When people spend money on life experiences, whether they also take someone with them or buy an extra ticket or whatever, most of our life experiences involve other individuals," Howell said. People were fulfilling their need for social bonding while having these experiences, he added.
The findings also revealed that purchasing experiences produced happier people despite of the amount spent or the income of the individual, and led to a longer-term satisfaction. "Purchased experiences provide memory capital," Howell noted. "We don't tend to get bored with happy memories like we do with a material object."
The scientist said that despite of the findings of the current research, many people are still sure that money can make them happy. He speculates that maybe the belief is still there because money brings happiness some of the time, "at least" when being spent on life experiences.
Most psychologists who study the phenomenon say that the initial joy of obtaining a new object, such as a new car, or a new computer, fades over the time as people become used to seeing it on a regular basis. According to Howell, people adapt to a new purchase in six to eight weeks, up to a maximum of three months. And as to life experiences, on the contrary, they still continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event has occurred.
The study was presented this week at an annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology and will be published later this year in the Journal of Positive Psychology.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
5 Things You Didn't Know: Iron Man 2
The sequel to Iron Man was announced before the studio could even finish counting the over $300 million in domestic box office earnings. Now the challenge is making the new franchise a sustainable one that doesn’t burn out by the third film (think Spider-man or X-Men). Iron Man 2’s producers had to act fast since their leading man is over 40, so the release date was set for May 7, 2010. So, while director Jon Favreau and star Robert Downey Jr. are hard at work on one of the most anticipated sequels in years, we’re hard at work bringing you five things you didn’t know about Iron Man 2.
1- Don Cheadle is the new Terrence Howard
Due to salary disputes, the character of Jim Rhodes (Tony Stark’s best friend and ally) will no longer be played by Terrence Howard. He’s been replaced by fellow Academy Award nominee Don Cheadle. Apparently when the first film was being made, Howard was the first actor to sign on to the project, and he was rewarded with the cast’s highest up-front salary. He balked when the producers asked him to take a pay cut for the sequel, so Cheadle replaced him. The character of Jim Rhodes will prove to be a crucial one in the coming films, as he eventually dons his own "supersuit" to become War Machine.
2- Over 600 issues of the Iron Man comic went into Iron Man 2
Justin Theroux is one of the screenwriters of Tropic Thunder -- a film that garnered Downey Jr. an Academy Award nomination this year -- and he will be scripting Iron Man 2 along with a team of co-
writers. To prepare for the task of writing the sequel, Theroux apparently immersed himself in all of the Iron Man comic books -- four decades’ worth of them3- Tony Stark will be hitting the bottle
Fans of the comic know that Tony Stark was the first alcoholic superhero, long before Hancock graced our screens. The filmmakers touched on Tony’s fondness for drink in the first film, but it will definitely be explored more fully in the second one. Favreau has said that he doesn’t want the film to be like Leaving Las Vegas, but with recovering addict Robert Downey Jr. playing the part, we’re sure he’ll give this topic its appropriate due in Iron Man 2.
4- Robert Downey Jr. is the oldest superhero
In April, Downey will be turning 44, which is a year older than Nicolas Cage was when he played Ghost Rider. At a time when baby-faced actors like Tobey Maguire (Spider-man), Brandon Routh (Superman) and Eric Bana (Hulk) are playing the titular superheroes, having an actor as old as Downey represents a few risks. With those young actors, the studios can afford to wait a few years between each installment without fear that the actor playing the lead may not be able to do the stunt work involved.
5- Nick Fury’s existence is in limbo
Given the rough economic climate, Marvel Studios is trying to cut costs wherever it can (see: Terrence Howard). However, since Iron Man 2 is a film that will cost hundreds of millions of dollars, you can understand why actors might not be willing to see it as a labor of love. Samuel L. Jackson
is rumored to be in negotiations with the studio about reprising his cameo role from the first film as Nick Fury, the head of S.H.I.E.L.D., an organization that plays a large part in the mega-film The Avengers. A final fact you probably didn't know about Iron Man 2 is that it’s unclear whether Jackson will come back, and if he doesn’t, whether they’ll find a new Nick Fury or just scrap the character altogether.Thursday, March 19, 2009
AG Holder Announces Major Shift in Drug Enforcement Policy
It’s official. The Obama administration has announced it has no plans to prosecute marijuana dispensaries in California and other states. The move represents a significant shift away from the Bush administration’s stance on the issue. Here are stories from the LA Times and New York Times; click here for a previous LB post on the issue.
The news came straight from the mouth of Attorney General Eric Holder, who said Wednesday in a sit-down with reporters that the new administration would target outlets operating in violation of both federal and state law, such as those being used as fronts for drug dealers. “Those are the organizations, the people, that we will target,” the attorney general said.
In the Bush administration, federal agents raided medical marijuana distributors that violated federal statutes even if the dispensaries appeared to be complying with state laws.
President Obama indicated during the campaign that, under his leadership, the nation’s drug-enforcement policies would change. But soon after his inauguration, the DEA raided several dispensaries in California, in what appeared to be a continuation of earlier policies.
Those raids, however, may well become a thing of the past. “If you are operating a medical marijuana clinic that is actually a front, we’ll come after you,” one DOJ official told the LAT. “But if you are operating within the law, we are not going to prioritize our resources to go after them.”
Law Blog Reading Recommendation: For a wonderful introduction to the world of California’s marijuana dispensaries, we suggest checking out David Samuels’s really nice piece in the New Yorker, from last July. Here’s the story’s wonderful second paragraph:
It was now three o’clock in the afternoon, and Captain Blue was dozing after a copious inhalation of purified marijuana vapor. (His nickname is an homage to his favorite variety of bud.) His hair was black and greasy, and was spread across his pillow. On the front of his purple T-shirt, which had slid up to expose his round belly, were the words “Big Daddy.” With his arm wrapped around a three-foot-long green bong, he resembled a large, contented baby who has fallen asleep with his milk bottle.
Captain Blue is a pot broker. . . .
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Obama Backs Global Gay Rights
President Obama Administration will sign the US up to a United Nations declaration calling for the worldwide decriminalisation of homosexuality, AP reports.
This is a straight reversal of then-President George W. Bush’s refusal to endorse the idea when it was proposed by the French Government last December.
Until now the US was the only hold-out among Western Democratic nations – all EU nations back the declaration along with more than 30 other countries.
But 70 U.N. members currently outlaw homosexuality — and in several of them, including Iran, homosexual acts can be punished by execution. More than 50 nations, opposed the declaration including the Vatican. Members of the Islamic conference argued that legalization of “deplorable acts” could lead to paedophilia and incest.
This decision by the Obama Administration isn’t only significant for gay rights, it also marks a change of approach to participating in multilateral initiatives.
The Bush Administration was often preferred to go it alone and stay out of international conventions. A recent poll showed that a substantial minority of Americans still favour pulling out of the UN.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
THE RE WALK
Filed under: Neurology , Rehab
Israel21C has a video of the ReWalk exoskeleton system, from Argo Medical Technologies, for people with paralyzed legs. We profiled the system back in March, and we thought this video would be interesting to see the device in action:
ReWalk comprises a light wearable brace support suit which integrates DC motors at the joint, rechargeable batteries, an array of sensors and a computer-based control system. It fits the body snugly to detect upper body movements, which are used to initiate and maintain the walking process. Wearers also use crutches for stability and safety.
ReWalk is undergoing clinical trials in Israel at the Rehabilitation Hospital at Chaim Sheba Medical Center - Tel Hashomer, with pilots planned for rehab centers in Holland and Italy. A US trial is scheduled to begin in November at the Moss Rehabilitation Center in Philadelphia, after which Argo will apply for FDA regulatory approval.
Argo's demo video features team member Radi Kioff, a 40-year-old Druze Israeli citizen who was shot in the back while serving in the Israel Defense Forces during the first Lebanon War. Ironically, the man who devised the system that allows Kioff to walk cannot benefit from his own invention. A quadriplegic, Amit Goffer has only partial use of his hands, but not enough to operate the ReWalk.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Easy Ways To Get More Exercise
Two of the things that people say they'd do if they had an extra hour in their day is exercise and sleep.
Exercise doesn't have to involve paying large sums of money to go to a gym, pound away on a treadmill, pump iron and feel inferior as the superfit gym bodies sweat and grunt around you.
Save your hard earned cash, don't pay out for a gym membership that you then give up after a few months - after all what are you exercising for? To get fit? Go for a walk, run or cycle.
Sensible exercise is about increasing your general activity in each and every day and finding things to do that you enjoy. We all know that regular exercise can have beneficial effects to your general health and well-being, increase your energy levels, reduce stress and lift the mood. However busy you might be - find time to get active every day.
Exercise does not mean you have to end up sweaty and exhausted, although it's good to get the heart-rate up. If we were more active on a daily basis, we would not have the need for gyms to work off the excess calories or keep fit.
Remember that ANY activity that is over and above what you do normally is going to burning up additional calories.
Leave the car behind - how many people do I see on a regular basis, driving up to the local corner shop, which is all of ten minutes walk away. It might save five minutes but it's an ideal opportunity for some exercise.
If you want to get fitter, then jumping in the car at every opportunity is not the way. Short car journeys are very fuel inefficient (bad for your wallet) and bad for the environment (fuel consumption and carbon emissions are higher when the engine is cold. Catalytic converters are only effective for journeys over 5km (3 miles).
Park further away from work or the shops or at the other end of the car park - enjoy the extra walk. Leave yourself enough time so that you're not rushing and then end up using that as an excuse to park nearer.
Cycle. With the expense and inconvenience of parking these days, if you have a short journey to make, why not cycle?
It takes me approximately 20 minutes to drive into town and then 5-10 minutes to find somewhere to park which may or may not be close to where I'm going, so possibly another 5-10 minute walk. It takes about 35-40 minutes to cycle into town, directly to where I'm going and then all I need to do is lock the bike to the nearest lamppost or bike park ... about the same amount of time - except that I do tend to 'glow' when I get there, so it's not always appropriate.
It's quicker than walking and burns between 75-150 kcal every 30 minutes, even at a gentle pace. Cycle more vigorously and you'll burn up to 600 kcal in the same time.
Running/Walking. Running may not be for everyone but take a walk at the beginning or end of the day. Get outside in the fresh air at lunchtime and give your legs a stretch. Go for a long walk at the weekend. There are any number of walks that you can do out in the countryside - take the rest of the family along or go out with a friend. It doesn't have to be a great trek
- Get off the bus a couple of stops earlier and walk the extra distance.
- Use the stairs at work, instead of the lift. OK, if you work in a skyscraper, I might let you off.
- Walk the children to school.
- Walk to the nearest post box to mail your letters.
Depending on your pace - even 30 minutes of moderate walking burns between 100-200 kcal.
Housework - cleaning, dusting, hoovering, scrubbing, these will all give you some additional exercise and burn off a few extra calories - about 40 kcal every 15 minutes. Now there's an incentive for getting the housework done.
Wash the car by hand - not only does this give you additional exercise but there's another environmental bonus - less electricity and less water. Burn up to 40 kcal every 15 minutes.
Gardening. An hour or so of gardening - weeding, mowing the lawn and digging all burn calories. Even just 30 minutes of weeding will burn around 100 extra kcal.
Mow the lawn with a manual lawnmower. Use shears instead of a strimmer to do the edges.
Swimming. You don't need expensive equipment - just a swimming costume and a pair of goggles. Try out your local pool - even better if you can swim in the sea. A great way to exercise as it supports your body weight and is kinder to joints and works all the muscle groups.
Start with a few lengths and build up slowly. Vary the strokes so you don't get too bored. Swim at your own pace and don't be intimidated by the other swimmers powering up and down in the fast lane. Even a gentle swim will burn up to 200 kcal every 30 minutes up to 500 kcal if you're really going for it.
Many of these activities require you to be more organised and leave a little more time to get places. Think about them in advance and then you won't be rushing around and tempted to jump in the car because you ran out of time.
Think about what you do on a daily basis. How could you build more activity into your day? It's a lot easier to be generally more active during the day than to find the time to take 'specific' exercise. Find at least three ways you can increase your activity.
Plan time into your diary for exercise at the beginning of the week and make it a priority. Then it won't get forgotten.